a search helicopter?!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
