my vag is so smooth its legendary
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
