PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
