In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
