My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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