he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
