I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
