just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
