so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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