eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
