can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
