just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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