Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
