he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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