We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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