found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
