He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
