You're completely useless in the revolution.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
