we have officially lost it.
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
