Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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