connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Let's get the cat blown out
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
