And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
