If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
