I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
