Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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