just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think i got beer on your cat.
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