You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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