Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
