My friends, they love my intelligence
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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