I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
