too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize