i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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