I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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