I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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