you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize