Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
