hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
