she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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