I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
