it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize