There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
