In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
