i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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