I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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