I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
