Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
