It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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