I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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