so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
