be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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