I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
