so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
