Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
