The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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