the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
So gin and wine won't be happening again
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize