rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize