i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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