I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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