i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
