i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
