I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
