When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
