Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
