So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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