Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Four minutes until I can fart!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
